“If you want to live an authentic, meaningful life, you need to master the art of disappointing and upsetting others, hurting feelings, and living with the reality that some people just won’t like you. It may not be easy, but it’s essential if you want your life to reflect your deepest desires, values, and needs.”
– Cheryl Richardson

I have made a lot of personal choices lately that have truly been really hard for me because I was scared of what my friends and family would say. The fear of disappointing them.

Decisions that I know at the end of the day are what I want and need, in order for me to be my happiest self.

Whether big or small, I have always been someone to immediately think of what others will think. There have been many choices where I have been so focused on making everyone around me happy, that I forgot about my own happiness. 

Why Do We Have The Fear Of Disappointing Others?

You Have Already Made A Commitment

The problem a lot of the time is that there are ‘things’ already in place – you have already committed.

• You already bought the flight but don’t want to go anymore? Call the airline, get a voucher.
• You already accepted your offer to school but decided on a different path? Email the school and kindly decline.
• You’re on your way to live in a new city that you don’t want to live in? Turn around.
• You told your friend you will go to their birthday party but can’t make it anymore? Call them, apologize, and tell them you can’t go.

Firstly, know that any excuse that you come up with can be undone no matter how BIG it is. Sometimes you need to reinvent your plan. Sometimes you need a Plan B and that’s okay. (Sometimes I need a Plan E).

Things happen, people change – that commitment you made last year, last month, or yesterday, can have a completely different perspective on you at any time in your life.

The Opinions Of Others

Or, perhaps you have already started something, and you don’t want to let your parents or friends down by not finishing. We are so scared of what THEY WILL THINK or how THEY WILL REACT that we immediately make up these perceived expectations of what is going to happen.

Our thoughts go immediately to:

Are they going to approve? How will they react if they don’t? What will they think of me?

I 100% still value the opinions of my family and friends – more than anything in this world. However, I don’t let their decisions influence my choices and actions, even if that means sometimes upsetting people.

So, do not let the opinion of others define you – the choice is ultimately yours.

Here are 4 ways to overcome the fear of disappointing others –

Accept You Will Never Be Enough (In the Eyes of Others)

You can’t please everyone, it’s as simple as that. Harsh but true. There will always (ALWAYS) be people with different viewpoints on things even if you think you are right.

Your family, best friends, teachers, and even strangers will all have different ideas of what they think is wrong or right. When you go through life constantly worrying about what people will think about you, you’re simply putting their happiness before yours.

How you feel. What you believe in. Your new hair. Your clothes. Moving to a new city. Your job. THE LIST GOES ON – and it’s almost as if everything we do, we IMMEDIATELY factor in other people’s opinions before thinking about how this affects OUR happiness and how this makes US feel.

It’s personally taken me a lot of self-love and strength to be able to prioritize myself and my life. It’s something I encourage everyone to do because ultimately you are the driver of your own life.

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Step Outside Of Your Comfort Zone

Your comfort zone is a comfortable and familiar place, but it stands in the way of your growth. Sometimes the only way to conquer fears is by pushing yourself into uncomfortable situations.

Going after your dreams isn’t easy, but it’s a risk that you have to be willing to take. It’s a risk that is going to make you so unbelievably happy and fulfilled.

Most importantly, stepping outside your comfort zone and into the unfamiliarity is an incredible feeling and fundamental for your personal development. It will help you to move into that next phase of your life. It won’t always be simple but sometimes exhausting and time-consuming.

Still, when you learn to take responsibility for your own life, you begin to awaken your soul and see life a little more thoroughly.

Also, it is when you do step outside your comfort zone though that you begin to learn new skills, grow immensely, and do things that you never thought were possible.

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Everyone Has A Day One

Analyze Your Behaviour

Taking the time to get to know yourself is so important in understanding who you are, why you act a certain way, and where your fear comes from.

Without a doubt, journaling is the number one way to really go inward and develop a strong healthy relationship with yourself. 

Also, the fear of disappointing others more often than not comes from underlying issues within. Our childhood, past relationships, and trauma can all be major factors in our personal development and who we are today. Not having dealt with these situations can sometimes be the trigger to having that fear of disappointing someone.

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Don’t Take It Personally

Lastly, you have a lot more freedom in life when you begin to stop taking things so personally. Live a little, sit back, and stop personalizing how other people react.

Everyone has got stuff going on in their life that we don’t know about it. We get ONE bad reaction from someone and it’s like full panic mode right away. BUT the way they said it! Their tone! How long they took to reply!

We don’t know why someone reacted the way they did. Maybe your friend has had an extremely long and stressful day at work.  Or maybe they’re simply just watching a movie and enjoying their own company. More often than not, it has nothing to do with you.

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Every day we make choices and thrive to become a better version of ourselves. Sometimes, this involves doing things that scare us. Sometimes, it involves us breaking commitments. It requires us to be selfish and put ourselves first, knowing we may disappoint some people.

Know at the end of the day that you control your own life, and you are capable of making your own decisions.

“Feel the fear and do it anyways.”
– Unknown

Thanks for reading – How To Overcome The Fear Of Disappointing Others

Rose x